Anxiety

I had a job interview for a contracting role today. I think it went well and should find out soon if I got the gig. I also got my last pay check from my previous full time role.

So I spent a large chunk of the day freaking out, am I doing the right thing? Am I being foolish? If there's one thing I'm good at it's self hatred and a goodly dose of impostor syndrome. I can't take my talents or accomplishments seriously when I'm looking at them myself. It's like when there's a games convention (or just an adventure to run) before it starts I'm a ball of nerves and fear. Sometimes it gets too much and I have to call it off, but if I push through I find the other side is great.

Because, and I really need to remember this, once I'm in an interview or I'm at the table about to run a game it alls kicks in. Whilst I might not rate myself I can't help but tell the truth, I've had lots of experience in the web sphere for almost 20 years professionally and almost 30 years all told. And I've yet to encounter a technical challenges I can't take on, given a run up...

And the gaming? Once the dice start rolling and the words start flowing I remember why I love roleplaying and my ability to keep a story flowing in an interesting fashion.

Anxiety can kill. But I know I can beat it. If you need help with it know I'm here for you.

I said I'd write every day. I didn't say it would always be long. But short is better than nothing.